I can honestly say that nothing in the world has been more worthwhile for me than sticking to this journey. For so long I had been wavering at a low weight – not crazy underweight, I was eating ‘enough’, I was doing well at work, I was socialising – in my mind, completely fine. It was my mum who kind of forced me to start seeing a coach, which led me to contact Emilia and ask for her support in my journey to gain some weight and strength.
Over the past few months, we have worked together to slowly increase my food, and to improve my relationship with food, and most importantly, with myself. I may not have been the perfect mindfulness student (I think it was my weekly goal for about 2 months until enough was enough…). However, I have been working to incorporate these techniques into my day through ‘mindful moments’ and gratitude practices (with the promise that one day I may return to this whole mindfulness thing…yet to be convinced by this but hey miracles to happen, hi hi Emilia).
Anyway, through all of this, I have realised I have SO much to be grateful for. I encourage everyone to give this a go. Sometimes recognising gratitude for even the smallest of things – a text from a friend, a colleague making you coffee to help you through a stressful afternoon – can really take you out of your own head, and help you realise that there are actually quite a few things that matter more in life than the size of your jeans.
Yes, I’ve gained some kilos on the scales, my stomach, hips and legs are a little wider, and I can no longer fit into my size 6 dresses.However, my original goal was to gain strength, and I have most definitely done this (who knew, carbs do actually fuel deadlifts…). And most importantly, I have gained my personality back. I’ve gained a real laugh, a real smile. I’ve gained friends, I’ve gained memories, I’ve gained concentration, I’ve gained energy, I’ve gained confidence…. For so long I was SO scared of ‘losing’ things when I gained weight – losing what, I’m not entirely sure – my half-personality? My friends that also, shockingly, liked me when I was a few kilos heavier? [insert any/all other abject fears here – they are all equally ridiculous and irrational].
I can tell you now that there is nothing to lose in pursuing this journey (apart from, perhaps, some dresses which most definitely should have been thrown out many many years ago, because apart from anything else, bandeau minidresses were just never a good look, let’s be serious).
I’m not going to lie, it might sometimes be the most challenging thing you have ever done. It’s all fun and games until it gets hard, and you realise that you, and you alone, have made this choice, and that it’s up to you to follow this through at every single moment, of every single day.
Others can help you, and Emilia for one is an unwavering force of kindness and support, but no one else can actually do it for you. But I guess that’s the best thing about the whole process – the strength that you will gain through overcoming these challenges will be there in all aspects of your life. Of course I still struggle – even with all those advantages I listed earlier, the daily gratitude, the mindful moments, I still find myself turning to restriction when things get hard. But through my journey, I’ve come to realise that swapping bread for leaves has never solved anyone’s problems, and it definitely won’t solve mine.
So I guess the point of all this, if you’ve made it is far, is to give it a try. You might just find that you like the result – I know I do.
Using a combination of tracking, mindful eating habits, intuitive eating and mindfulness techniques (even without mediation success…), I am amazed and filled with pride weekly watching the transformation before my eyes in both flexibility of nutrition and ease of a full life. We’re not even finished, and I am already overwhelmed with pride and am in awe of the progress made with such strong and consistent intentions.Emilia