Today I had a pretty negative experience when I was training. One of those guys I know in my gym(the regular gym goer type who knows everything about training and competing but has never actually stepped on stage), decided to point out my lack of current condition and belittled my idea to potentially compete in a few weeks time. 
Firstly, let me set the scene. This is me as I am, right now…

Now I know I’m not stage lean, but I’m experimenting with my body and aiming to come in fuller for my next show. Let me tell you, this is a bloody hard mentality for a self coached bikini girl. It’s far easier to diet down and be as lean as possible than to remain bigger than you were before and step on stage half naked. It’s a mental fight I have with myself daily, if not hourly, and a new challenge for me to constantly work on.
Like other fitness girls, my social media accounts are filled with progress pictures and selfies (interspersed with some occasional food porn). Tonight’s comments have led me to have the realisation, am I allowing myself to be judged because I put myself out there? Is this a free pass for people to pass judgement on me and how I look? Probably. Is this a free pass for people to openly tell me their negative opinions of my body? I didn’t think so. I’m a strong believer of the old ‘if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all’. Interestingly, the only negative comments I’ve had have come from men… Maybe they think that because I put my body out there, that I love it and am so confident in it that I can take the knock backs. Maybe they think that because I lift and train with the men that I have the mentality of some men, and they can give me criticism like they would men. I’m unsure.

What I do know, is that I do have insecurities. It is a constant battle for me to look at my body objectively. If it wasn’t, do you really think I’d work so hard to improve it? I see things wrong with myself that most of you don’t even know exist. But I’m learning to focus on the good. Next time you think it’s ok to openly criticise a girls body because she puts it out there to be judged on a stage, try and remember that she’s not on stage when you see her training, eating or posting selfies. We are still girls. Most of us still have insecurities. And most of appreciate honest kind words, or just none at all 🙂

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